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commonswings's Journal

thirty helens agree
13 May
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  • commonswings@livejournal.com
I am gonna go to Hollywood,
I am, I'm gonna be a big star,
my name in lights and stretched limosine,
a house in Beverly Hills you know what I mean,
I'm gonna be a great big movie star.

You are talking out of your arse son,
you can't appeal to anyone,
you sit around in your grubby little pants,
with your packet of biscuits and a pen in your hands,
that is when your hand isn't down your grubby little pants.

You'll see, nobody can stop me,
my name is going down in history.

You write all your letters to MGM,
on your exercise book with your booky's pen,
nobody in Hollywood will be receiving them.

Why has nobody been receiving them?
Has someone, someone been diverting them?

Yes it was me, I broke into your flat,
and nicked all your letters from your Scooby Doo bag,
then buried them under a pile of farmyard shite.


This year's works holiday,
was two weeks away in Greece,
it was all arranged by Terry who gets flights cheap,
I did not find out about it till the day before they left,
no details on the notice-board I was completely in the dark.

When he got on to the plane his bag was full of heroin,
Terry had placed there the previous day,
he told him it was sherbet, and he ate the flippin' lot,
his head swelled up and he farted and destroyed the flamin' jet.

When I got back home,
my job had been taken by Terry's brother,
and the bank manager had repossessed me house,
there’s a warrant out for my arrest, for non payment of rates,
no details had been sent to me I was completely in the dark.


1066 and all that, a p pedrick, able tasmans, alan garner, albert finney, alec guinness, alfred hitchcock, amélie, anders nilsen, armando iannucci, beachcomber, belle and sebastian, bibliomania, bill douglas, bill forsyth, billy liar, black books, bmx bandits, bonzo dog band, bookshops, brian eno, bud powell, buster keaton, calvin and hobbes, camper van beethoven, chai tea, chet baker, christopher lee, close lobsters, corwood industries, céline et julie, dave gorman, dexy's midnight runners, diary of a nobody, django reinhardt, dorothy parker, dorset paeans, dr phibes, ed's redeeming qualities, edmund crispin, edward gorey, el records, elvis costello, esquivel, father ted, felt, flanders and swann, flann o'brien, francois truffaut, francoise hardy, freaks and geeks, gene clark, george herriman, gerard hoffnung, gorky's zygotic mynci, gregory's girl, half man half biscuit, harold lloyd, humphrey jennings, ivor cutler, j l carr, jacques rivette, jacques tati, james kochalka, joe dante, john cale, jonathan coe, jonathan richman, julie christie, june tabor, kate and anna mcgarrigle, kevin ayers, kevin huizenga, kyril bonfiglioli, laura nyro, m r james, madness, margaret rutherford, margery allingham, mark olson, melvil dewey, mervyn peake, michael reeves, michael sowa, moe tucker, molesworth, movietone, mst3k, neil innes, nick drake, oliver postgate, paul roland, penguin cafe orchestra, peter cook, pg wodehouse, po!, powell and pressburger, prefab sprout, quatermass, raymond scott, rita tushingham, robert wyatt, robyn hitchcock, russel hoban, saki, satie, seth, shooby taylor, spaced, spike jones, spike milligan, stackridge, stan laurel, sufjan stevens, super furry animals, susan cooper, syd barrett, talking heads, terry callier, the bats, the beach boys, the blue nile, the boo radleys, the chefs, the clean, the flaming lips, the free design, the go-betweens, the king of luxembourg, the lilac time, the marx brothers, the montgolfier brothers, the mutton birds, the residents, the rutles, the soft boys, the verlaines, tintin, tom courtenay, torgo, uss catastrophe, van dyke parks, vic and bob, victoria williams, virginia astley, werner herzog, william mcgonagall, would-be-goods, xtc, young marble giants